Disturbing Things I Saw While Driving Today

1. As I was on my way home from work, I noticed that the man driving the Jeep Grand Cherokee in front of me was brushing his teeth. While continuing at 40+ miles an hour, I watched, horrified, as he pulled a gallon-sized water jug to his lips. (At this point, I'm wondering if he is swallowing the toothpaste or not.) Moments later our vehicles came to a stop, and I witnessed this unidentified man spit out said toothpaste water onto the pavement. That's just sick.
2. While exploring the sidestreets of Keller, Texas, I drove past Mattie's Prissy Poodle Grooming where a freshly preened and overly spoiled poodle was strutting her stuff on a rhinestoned leash in front of an equally-spoiled owner. As if perfumed and sweatered lap dogs weren't alarming enough.
3. A motorcycle cop pulled out behind me as I was driving along Keller Parkway, well below speed limit. For the next two miles, he followed me and, I swear, I could have had a wreck because I kept nervously checking my rear view mirror to see if he'd turned his lights on. Fortunately he turned into McDonald's.
4. When I stopped for gas at a local QuikTrip, I noticed that the shiny new Mercedes SUV across the way was being fueled by swimsuit-clad teenage girl - and she was using Daddy's credit card. I wondered if he'd mind paying for mine?
5. I caught every single red light between Western Center Boulevard and Keller Parkway on my way to work this morning. The traffic light gods have it out for me.

The Metroplex is a crazy place.